Santa’s Latest Troubles: Recordkeeping Questioned
The online Wall Street Journal is republishing a report that Santa Claus may be in violation of various international personal and consumer privacy laws. Of course, the nation is still in shock after the jolly fat man’s secret and painful battle with obesity was revealed earlier this month by the Surgeon General of the United States. But these other things should bother us as well:
Possible serial breaking and entering (by way of chimneys) with petty theft (usually cookies).
Possible FFA violations for interference with air traffic control/airline holiday travel by way of an unregulated flying sleigh and reindeer.
Possible illegal sweatshop conditions/labor rights/elf rights/minimum wage and overtime violations.
Possible customs violations with transfer of uninspected goods, gifts and packages across the nation’s borders.
Possible failure to vaccinate the reindeer from various deer-born diseases and illnesses.
Possible tortious liability for negligent infliction of emotion distress upon children who discover Santa’s fraudulent existence.
And quite possibly others.
So, you better watch out, you better be sly, you better not doubt, I’m tellin’ you why… Santa Claus is going downtown (to the big house).