Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

The Memory of a Donkey?

Hillary in Bosnia spoof: This has to be one of the funniest political videos I’ve seen this election cycle.

Daddy Survivor

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How’s this for a reality show idea?

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one house each, one car each, one dog or cat as a family pet, and three kids for six weeks.

There is no fast food.

Each Dad must take care of his three kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of “pretend” bills and budget for groceries with not enough money.

Each Dad will be required to build a model American Indian hut with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker.

Each Dad must get a four-year-old to eat one serving of peas.

Each kid will play two sports and either take one music or one dance class.

Each Dad must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment, and a haircut appointment.  He must also make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the local Urgent Care Clinic on either a weekend, evening, holiday, or the same day he intends to leave for a vacation.

Each Dad must also make five dozen cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

The Dads will only have access to television when the kids are 1) asleep or 2) all the chores have been completed.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church or another regularly scheduled activity, and find time once per week to spend the afternoon at a park or similar setting.

Each Dad must read a book to the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and their hair each morning by 7:00 A.M.

They must clean up vomit at least once (pet dog or cat will also suffice) at 2:00 A.M., and must tend to any ill children all day long until the child is better.

Each Dad must maintain excellent hygiene and high levels of energy, creativity and optimism, wear nice clothes, wear stylish but comfortable shoes, stay fit and thin, have perfect hair and must try to get through the day without pet hair, snot, spit-up or food on their clothing. 

    Each Dad must demonstrate detailed knowledge of their kids including each child’s: birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size, doctor’s name and phone number, favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear, and what they want to be when they grow up. 

 The kids and viewers will vote the Dads off the island based on poor performance.  The final Daddy survivor left standing wins the competition only if — he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice!

 

 

Santa’s Latest Troubles: Recordkeeping Questioned

The online Wall Street Journal is republishing a report that Santa Claus may be in violation of various international personal and consumer privacy laws.  Of course, the nation is still in shock after the jolly fat man’s secret and painful battle with obesity was revealed earlier this month by the Surgeon General of the United States.   But these other things should bother us as well:

Possible serial breaking and entering (by way of chimneys) with petty theft (usually cookies).

Possible FFA violations for interference with air traffic control/airline holiday travel by way of an unregulated flying sleigh and reindeer.

Possible illegal sweatshop conditions/labor rights/elf rights/minimum wage and overtime violations.

Possible customs violations with transfer of uninspected goods, gifts and packages across the nation’s borders.

Possible failure to vaccinate the reindeer from various deer-born diseases and illnesses.

Possible tortious liability for negligent infliction of emotion distress upon children who discover Santa’s  fraudulent existence.

And quite possibly others. 

So, you better watch out, you better be sly, you better not doubt, I’m tellin’ you why… Santa Claus is going downtown (to the big house).   

The Fine Art of Responding to Hecklers

In case you were wondering, I’m not a McCain spammer.  I just really like him lately.  I’ve been too busy to sit down and compose posts on the other things I want to talk about lately.  There’s a considerable backlog of drafts in my dashboard and in my mind.  Where does the time go?  I just thought the video above was great!  And it was a quick and easy post.  Have agood day. 

We All Have Problems.

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